The Weight of my Weight

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Just the Facts.....

A Gigantic "To Do List" today, so not a lot of time for stories.

Here's all the deliciousness I put in my mouth yesterday!

Breakfast

Lunch

Unexpected and very unplanned Dinner!! I know. WHAT???
(I did NOT eat it all. Calm down.)

Snack

"love the life you live, live the life you love"

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

After spending over two hours spewing on my blog yesterday, it was time to put myself to work. After canceling with Jamie, my trainer, last week, I was looking forward to getting back at it!

In order to eat like he says I should eat, I've determined it's best to eat at 7:00 am, 10:00 am, 1:00 pm, 4:00 pm and 7:00pm. This won't work everyday, but at least if I have some guidelines, it helps.

Here is what I found in the fridge at 7:00 am......

Needless to say, I ate nothing. So much for plan A.

At 10:00 am, I did remember I could cook up some oatmeal and add my PB2 powder so I could get something in my tummy before a workout!

Breakfast

Lunch

Snack

Dinner

Snack

Greek Yogurt with PB2

I did get to the store and I plan to cook up lots of chicken breast, then individually freeze them so I will have no excuses for a while to not get in plenty of protein!

Refresh...I can eat 26 points a day.
I can earn Activity Points by doing exercise, and eat them if I choose.
I have an allowance of 49 points that I can dip into if I chose.
I should drink a minimum of 6 (8 oz) glasses of water each day.

The food I ate and it's PPV

Breakfast = Oatmeal, PB2, Coffee with Milk (6)
Lunch = Mixed Greens, Grilled Chicken, Salsa, Light Sour Cream (6)
Snack = Whey Protein Shake with 1 T. Chia Seeds and Frozen Berries (4)
Dinner = Applebee's Parmesan Grilled Shrimp (Minus some of the rice and sauce) (8)
Snack = Plain Nonfat Greek Yogurt with 2 T. PB2 (4)

Total = 28

Today's Exercise......

Workout with Trainer
Walk 4 Miles

How many glasses of water I drank today = 10
Activity Points Earned Today = 6
Activity Points Earned This Week = 24
Remaining points from my 49 Points Allowance = 27
ALCOHOL consumption = zero

I made this goal sheet SEVERAL months ago. I have one copy inside my pantry and one copy in my exercise room. My goals have changed just a bit, (I try to exercise 6 days a week, I aim for 12 or more glasses of water, and I am definitely NOT drinking 1 day a week) but my "Obstacles" and my "Why" remain VERY much the same!!

I realize that when I DO reach my goal of 150, this will still be my life in order to maintain. The Healthy lifestyle is just that, a Lifestyle, but it will certainly always have some challenges!

"love the life you live, live the life you love"

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Hello Blog! I missed you.....

I am starting with this story.....

On Wednesday last week, I went to Trader Joes. While at the checkout, the clerk asked he how my day was.

I replied..."Mediocre".

He said...."Oh, I'm sorry."

I said..."It's okay. Yesterday really sucked, so it's an improvement."

We both smiled. On the way to my car, I hear footsteps behind me in the parking lot. It's the clerk! The dude brought me flowers!!!! How sweet was that??

There still just as pretty, sitting in my kitchen....

In a nutshell, life got crazy for a few days and I felt completely out of control. Sometimes I get into a routine that I am really comfortable with and things are all going as planned and going MY way.....then something in life happens that I'm not expecting, and I kinda go crazy. That's what happened.

Over three years ago, I ended up in the ER, via ambulance, because Mike and I thought I was having a heart attack. Turns out, it was a panic attack due to anxiety. Since then, I have made a lot of changes in my personal life and how I deal with certain situations. I try to be aware of when I am beginning to feel overwhelmed and I make the changes needed to deal with things. Last week, I began to get that heavy and tight feeling in my chest and I knew I needed to take a break from anything that I could.

Nothing serious or major, nothing bad, nobody is sick, and no life altering events took place. I simply had some goals to reach by the end of August regarding my weight, my NEW blog, my daily schedule and applying for Weight Watchers. Things were really moving along nicely just TWO weeks ago, then a few things changed in my daily routine, my time was required elsewhere, my routine got all outta whack, I started feeling anxious, I used food to deal with it, then I convinced myself that wine would relax me, then I just got pissed. Pissed at life not allowing me to do exactly what I needed to do when I needed to do it, pissed at myself for using food and wine to deal with stress, pissed because my behavior allowed the scale to creep back up, then I began to feel the stress in my chest. That's when I knew I needed to take a few days away and figure it all out.

So that's what I did.

I met with my coach Wednesday night, and she always seems to get me back on track. We made a plan for me to move forward and I felt really good about it. We changed my goal date to September 13th, adding a couple of extra weeks to get to my goal weight, and as much as I hated to admit failure, I agreed that seemed reasonable. She also helped me realize that I should limit my time dedicated each day to getting my "New Blog" up and running. I agreed.

(A side-note about the "New" blog. I am learning a lot about websites and a whole lot of website jargon that is WAY over my head. When I found out about the KC Blogging conference, I was ecstatic to be able to go and learn a lot of info about the blogging world that I was oblivious too! Then when I wasn't able to go, I decided to move forward anyhow and learn all that I could on my own. I have also discovered, that basically I am learning how to build a website, and when your clueless about websites and computer jargon, there's a LOT of frustrating hours ahead!! Sometimes I am finding myself re-reading and re-reading just to comprehend. Now that I am only dedicating a certain amount of time each day to this process, I should be a little less wigged out!)

I woke up Thursday to more rain, which did NOT help my mood at all, but I felt determined to make it a great day. Well, I walked that day, but my speed was ridiculously slow and my mood seemed to match that slow pace for the rest of the day. I did get together with a group of High school girl friends that night and I passed on the wine. I hate that I allowed myself to drink during the 12 weeks that I said that I wouldn't, so I AM back on the "No Drinking" band wagon. I did have a great time with my girl friends, so I tried to focus on the fact that something great did happen that day.

Friday morning, I had my day all planned out. I went to my Weight Watchers meeting, but then when I got there, I didn't weigh in. I had gotten to 156.6, and that had felt so great. At home, the scale had said 157 consecutively for several days, and I was actually very pleased with that. I think I was still in shock that I weighed less than 160! I didn't want to get on the scale at my Weight Watchers meeting and deal with a gain, and knowing that my bad days were past me, it seemed okay to skip a weigh in and focus on the week to come. Well, Friday was just as frustrating as Thursday as far as my mood went. The gloomy weather really seemed to be getting to me too! I had things I wanted to accomplish with my New blog on Friday, and I wasn't able to figure things out, and I was beginning to feel extremely frustrated ALL over again. Mike and I spent the evening (with me in my PJ's) on the couch, flipping back and forth between the Royals and the Chiefs. It was a relaxing night at home and Mike gave me a good pep talk and reminded me of all of my progress.

I woke up Saturday morning felling better than I had in several days, and when I saw the sun shining, I made my "to do list" for the day. By 9:00 am, I was out mowing, and in the late morning, I walked 7 miles with a friend. I kept my protein intake high, drank lots of water throughout the day, and drank coffee that night while sitting outside at a bar listening to some great music with Mike.

Sunday, another great sun shiny day! I got my walk in early, then we headed out to the Royals game with some friends for a truly Perfect Afternoon! I drank water all day.

Monday, I had planned to get my walk in at 5:30 am, since I had to accompany my mom to the Dr. at 8:30 am, which required leaving my house at 7:45 am. I woke up again to rain. I went back to sleep for an hour. After Egg Whites and coffee, I finally left my house to fight rush hour for 45 minutes. Then, I waited several minutes in the lobby of the Doctors office before receiving a phone call from my mother, letting me know that she had told me the wrong Doctors office. I went to the correct office only to find out, the doctor, nor any of the staff, had arrived yet. It was well past 8:30 am!!! When the doctor and staff DID arrive, we were finally seen by the doctor at 9:45 am for our 8:30 am appointment. Ask me if my chest was feeling tight now. Yip. I practiced deep breathing, and when I got into my car, I decided it was time to call my therapist, who I have not seen in MONTHS!! Maybe even over a year and a half?? I started seeing her after my panic attacks and she really helped me. I didn't see her very often, but when I did, I always felt better, and I promised myself that if I ever got to feeling exactly the way I am feeling now, and things seem to be getting the best of me, that I would go see her. I felt better just making the appointment. I've learned to never be to proud to ask for help.

I then went to a coffee shop where I had planned to spend no more than two hours writing a blog post, then working on the New blog. I hadn't yet decided how much to share on my blog about the past week (I don't know why I thought I wouldn't just "Tell All", I usually do!), so I decided to work on the new blog first. For over an hour, I simply could NOT find on my computer where my new Blog even was!!!! I closed my computer and stomped out of the coffee shop, with tightness in my chest, and drove to the grocery store for my salad bar lunch. On my drive, it hit me where I needed to go on my computer to find my New Blog!!! I then came home, found my New Blog, then feeling a bit of relief, I took a two hour nap, which only put me in a bad mood! I am NOT a good napper, and my nap did not leave me feeling rested, but only frustrated with myself for not getting anything done! Then I never did write a blog post!

I eventually walked 5 miles and again, had a chat with myself!

I decided I absolutely had to blog today because my blog really helps me stay focused. Getting my "Story" off my chest somehow helps me move forward. I know I have said that before about blogging or journaling. Blogging helps me to focus on my daily meals, my exercise, and it's now a part of my morning routine. I will have a lot going on over the next few weeks with my mom and I know I will feel powerless to my schedule, so I will HAVE to make the necessary changes to my own routine to MAKE my meal planning, my exercise and my blogging happen. I can NOT allow myself to make food choices out of convenience. I need to plan for the unexpected and have high protein snacks and meals ready to go. I need to realize that my day may have to start earlier than usual, and that each day may not go as expected.

I'm sorry to be so vague about my mom. She has had some health issues that we are addressing and it is taking some time, but nothing life threatening, just stressful for her, and apparently for me too.

I didn't take food pictures these last few days, but I did get a few fun photos!!

Sunday we had an awesome time rooting the Royals to victory over the Red Sox!

We took a walk with our friends around the entire stadium while I drank TWO of these!!

Yesterday, the guy at the coffee shop presented me with the most beautiful Latte I have ever seen!!

Ready to make it a GREAT day!!

Tomorrow I will be back at telling you everything I put in my mouth, along with pictures, what exercise I did, and how many points I ate!

"love the life you live, live the life you love"

Thursday, August 8, 2013

I'm Taking a Break.....

I walked into Trader Joe's yesterday afternoon (Following my awesome class at the Apple store! Look out Geek Squad!) for a couple of things. As I was waiting in line, a clerk came up from behind me and took my cart to his register. They are always so nice there, I think. As he was ringing up my Greek Yogurt Guacamole (so delicious!), he said.....

"How's your day going?"

Me.....

"Mediocre."

Him.......

"I'm sorry."

Me.....

"We'll, yesterday really sucked, so mediocre is actually a huge improvement!"

We both smiled. As I was walking to my car, I hear running behind me, and the awesome clerk that had just rung up my order brought me out a bouquet of flowers!!!! How sweet!

The last few days I seem to be meeting myself coming and going, yet I feel like I never actually GO anywhere or make any progress. My "To Do List" that I so often write about seems to be getting longer and I can't seem to be able to mark any of the "To Do's" off of it, which is increasing the whole anxiety issue.

I had to cancel a couple of things this week that I always look forward to, and I just feel a little overwhelmed. Not a big deal, it's just that sometimes when I get a few extra things thrown into the mix, I don't seem to adjust real well.

I've decided that while doing more research and building my new blogging website, I am going to take a short break from blogging everyday. You would be amazed at how much time I spend writing that silly little thing!!!

My mom is requiring a little extra of my time, and my schedule just feels all outta whack.

I will blog on Monday with an update of how my weekend went with my food, exercise, my Friday Weigh-in results, and possibly my life.

I met with my coach last night and she gave me some great advice, and today I plan to put her advice into action!!

See you Monday!!

"love the life you live, live the life you love"

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Wound Ooze, a Dead Mouse and Horse Poop

Wow, you really clicked on that to read this??

Okay, I'll try not to judge you.

I missed posting yesterday, so I will try to play catch up here, after I first most likely, gross you out.

My morning started off on Monday absolutely perfect, which should be a really good clue that things are about to possibly go wrong.

I had coffee with friends, a nice chat on the phone with my daughter, then a very pleasant phone interview for a position with Weight Watchers, which I will fill you in on. Then I went to my mom's house to view a possible oozing wound, post surgery. After determining everything was fine (I closed my eyes really tight while pretending to look at the area of concern, then I told my mom that I didn't see anything that looked abnormal), I then came home to mow the lawn.

Before starting the lawn mower, one of the dogs was joyously rolling in SOMETHING! It's usually something disgusting, so I went to investigate, hoping it was only a little mud due to all the rain we've had lately. Nope. It was a dead mouse. I threw up a little in my mouth. Then I was completely wigged out knowing that I needed to remove it from the lawn before I mowed. I grabbed a small gardening shovel. Once it was actually ON the shovel (this took me forever!) I completely freaked out while walking across the lawn and jumped up and down with the major Weebie Jeebies and it flew off the shovel and landed in the street. I decided that was better than in my lawn. So, there it remained.

While mowing, I stepped in the most ridiculous pile of poo I have EVER seen. I would have sworn it came from a horse, but I will assume that it came from the Standard Poodle that lives three doors away and escapes on a regular basis. I did NOT pick it up with my gardening shovel and flip it into the street. So, there it remained.

Thank GOODNESS I remembered to change into my lawn mowing shoes!!

Due to the length of the grass, I had to bag it, which I despise. After trimming, then mowing, stopping, emptying the bag, mowing, stopping and emptying the bag four more times, I was done with the front yard and moved to the back. (The front yard isn't even that big, but the stupid grass was really long!) Then the mower wouldn't start. Then the sweat was running down my forehead and into my eyes, and it really stung!! Then.....I yelled some stuff, threw some stuff, (Throwing your your weed whacker is NOT recommended!) and stomped into the house like a 4 year old and took a timeout. I then went outside to attempt to start my mowing monster again. It started. I finished, and all was good with the world again. Well, at least all was good in my yard.

Okay, so my phone interview with Weight Watchers went really well...... I thought. But.....in order to move forward, I will need to weigh 150, so my journey continues with great motivation! Seven pounds to go.

Okay, I gotta admit, weighing less than 160 has been super exciting, and I have gone back to what I know works for maintenance instead of continuing to do what I know I need to do to LOSE!!

This is how the last 50 pounds of losing has gone for me and I know that I am stalling. I get comfortable at a NEW weight, and I sit there for a bit, enjoying the new size of my body and the new way my clothes feel. I think the BIG loss a couple of weeks ago made me feel like......Oh, Okay, I can have a big loss for a couple of weeks, then I'll be at goal. I have been enjoying a few glasses of wine, after I said that I wouldn't do that until I weighed 150!!

It's time to get serious again. There's a JOB possibility here, people!

That being said, I ate too little on Monday and drank wine!

Breakfast

Uh.....yum.

Snack/Lunch/Snack???

Dinner (I had not planned dinner, and literally threw whatever veggies we had in a skillet. DELISH!)

My Lovely Concoction......

Refresh...I can eat 26 points a day.
I can earn Activity Points by doing exercise, and eat them if I choose.
I have an allowance of 49 points that I can dip into if I chose.
I should drink a minimum of 6 (8 oz) glasses of water each day.

The food I ate and it's PPV

Breakfast = Egg Whites, Asparagus, Feta, Berries (5)
Snack = Coffee with Milk (1)
Lunch = Whey Protein Shake with frozen Strawberries (3)
Dinner = Tortilla Tilapia, Stir Fry made with Garlic infused Olive Oil, Sea Salt and Zucchini, Red Onion, Mushrooms, Potatoes and Asparagus! (10)
Drinks = Red Wine (10)

Total = 29

Today's Exercise = walked 4 Miles, push mow, bag and trim!

How many glasses of water I drank today = 12
Activity Points Earned Today = 6
Activity Points Earned This Week = 6
Remaining points from my 49 Points Allowance = 45
ALCOHOL consumption = Red Wine

I must say, even with the few anxiety filled days I seem to have had lately, all the walking has helped me maintain a fairly good mood!

"love the life you live, live the life you love"

Sunday, August 4, 2013

A Long Day In the Waiting Room

I have not talked to my mom about me sharing her medical issues on my blog, but I suppose if I am going to blog about spending two days in the waiting room, I should ask her if it is okay so I can tell you all about it.

I'll get on that.......tomorrow.

:)

I did a TERRIBLE job of drinking water, and a TERRIFIC job of drinking coffee, and then I had some MORE coffee, and I never did exercise yesterday morning!!

Breakfast

Lunch

Dinner

Snack (and an un-pictured apple and one more Latte)

"love the life you live, live the life you love"

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Never Stop Learning!

It's been a crazy couple of days and I'm still experiencing my little anxiety spells, but so far I haven't ordered a Family Size Pizza for myself, so I think I'm gonna get through it!

I had only known about the Blogging Conference for a few days, but I was filled with excitement anticipating all of the things I was going to learn over the weekend and all of the fellow bloggers I was going to get to meet!

Thursday night I went to the first event of the "Go Blog Social" Conference that I just learned about last week! I met all sorts of wonderful women and I was so looking forward to taking notes at all of the sessions on Friday and Saturday.

I almost completely forgot to take pictures, but snapped a quick one on my way out!

I was walking out with Amanda and Courtney, who were both adorable!

Meet Amanda.....

And Courtney......

They design jewelry together and they were both super sweet!

I showed up early Friday morning to Socialize a bit more before the Speakers got started for the day. During the morning Meet and Greet, we had the opportunity to meet several of the sponsors and enter drawings to win some really great prizes. It was halfway through the Meet and Greet that I realized 95% of the attendees were 25-30 year old women.......and me.

It was then that I decided that I was quite Trendy.

Before the first speaker (Tracie Fobes, who was awesome!) began on Friday morning, we were all told that we could Tweet something to something and hash tag something and then Prizes would be given out!! I was like.....HUH?

It was then that I decided that I was NOT Trendy at all.

I thought I knew a lot about Social Media, but after listening to the speakers on Friday morning, I realized that I have a lot to learn. This sounds like a good reason to go back to Dallas and visit my daughter!!

Mommy needs some Social Media lessons!!

I knew I would miss the Friday afternoon sessions because my mom was scheduled to have some Outpatient Surgery on Friday afternoon, and I would be spending that time with her. Out of respect for my mother, I will not go into details, but certainly positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

After spending several hours waiting (the surgeon had an emergency patient come in the ER) they sent us home at 9:00 pm, and said to come back on Saturday morning, so unfortunately I am going to have to miss all of the Saturday sessions, but I got a lot of great info on Friday morning and I met a lot of great contacts in the blogging community. I am SUPER excited to change up my blog this month!!

I have a LOT to learn, but now I feel like I have the resources to do so.

I think for being out and about all day and spending over half of my day in a hospital waiting room, I made fairly good food choices.

Breakfast was quick and at home.

Lunch was at Cosentino's Market Downtown. That Salad Bar could be overwhelming and out of control, so I went directly to the basics as not to get all caught up in the Hot Bar with the incredible smelling pasta's, or the dessert bar which looked really dangerous!!

This is a picture from last week, but I pretty much make the exact same salad at every grocery store salad bar.

Snack......hello waiting room........

Dinner at Panera. I felt terrible leaving my mom at about 6:00 pm to go eat dinner since she hadn't been able to eat since midnight!!! I told her I ate a bowl of dry lettuce. She thinks I eat weird anyhow.

Snack.....getting sleepy, I ate a Protein bar, only to be told 5 minutes later that we would be going home. I KNEW I shouldn't have eaten that darn thing!!

Refresh...I can eat 26 points a day.
I can earn Activity Points by doing exercise, and eat them if I choose.
I have an allowance of 49 points that I can dip into if I chose.
I should drink a minimum of 6 (8 oz) glasses of water each day.

The food I ate and it's PPV

Breakfast = Greek Yogurt (3)
Lunch = Salad Bar (6)
Snack = Latte (3)
Dinner = Panera Grilled Chicken Salad (12)
Snack = Protein Bar (6)

Total = 30

Today's Exercise = Scheduled Day Off

How many glasses of water I drank today = 8
Activity Points Earned Today = 0
Activity Points Earned This Week = 0
Remaining points from my 49 Points Allowance = 45
ALCOHOL consumption = none

I was not able to go to my WW meeting, but I did weigh at home and I seem to be holding steady at 157 for two weeks.

That means I have 7 pounds to lose and five weeks to go! I plan to make my goal!!

I'm off to get in some exercise, then to pickup mom and try this again.

Have a great weekend!

"love the life you live, live the life you love"

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Dear God, What Did I Do To Deserve This?

It's a deep blog post.....even more personal than I usually write and a bit out of character for most of my blog post. But, it is me, and these are my thoughts.

It's been a crazy last few days inside my head with so many great things happening in my Blogging World and with Weight Watchers. It's always crazy in my head, but unusually so these last few days. My thoughts are just ALL over the place. Sometimes my thoughts exhaust me, and I think that's why I blog, or journal, or write it all down. If I didn't write it down, it would never escape my head, and trust me, sometimes I need to let a lot of my thinking escape from my head. When I hit "submit", it's then, that I can breathe again.

This blog post will be a bit all over the place today, but a lot has really happened in these last several days (and JUST yesterday!) and I am filled with emotions and anxiousness and I keep going over and over in my head.....where my life has been, and where it might be going. Unfortunately, this anxiety brings me food cravings, and while I seem to be able to keep within my points, my choices are not the most nutritious. I had an Ice Cream Sandwich and coffee for breakfast.

Today's crazy, all over, anxiety driven thoughts......are oddly spiritual.

I feel like I live a privileged life and things lately are all going really well. I have more than I ever dreamed that I would have, and I am not talking monetarily (although being able to pay your bills on time doesn't suck!!). I am talking about having a husband that loves me, children and grandchildren that are healthy, a great variety of friends that I know that I can turn to, and opportunities galore! When I am actually paying attention to the opportunities that present themselves, it can be a pretty awesome thing.

My early 20's were a complete mess, and seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, wasn't even imaginable. Every journal I wrote for a four year period, I have now ceremoniously burned. In that time of my life, I never asked God why the things that were happening in my life were happening. I just asked Him for the strength I needed to get through the things that were happening, and the wisdom to figure out how to do so. God, very specifically, answered my prayers, and I listened. I think that's when I first realized how strong my faith in Him really was.

I don't mean for this to be a religious, "Come to Jesus", faith based blog post by any means. I really don't even mean to talk about God. My faith is very private to me and I don't talk about it often. I mention that I pray, and that's about it. I actually pray a lot. That being said, I have a foul mouth, I enjoy my adult beverages, and I spend a lot of Sunday mornings sleeping in, so obviously, I'm not super religious or anything. I make mistakes all the time, I know I lack in patience, and I can be a terrible listener (I think that's un-diagnosed A.D.D., or self-diagnosed, in which case it actually is a diagnosis, but not a doctor's diagnosis. Wait. Where was I?) so I am constantly a work in progress. I think most of us would admit that we all are.

But........

Incredible blessings have occurred in my life since that time long ago in my early 20's, and I can't help but think that my faith in God and my listening to Him made so many of my blessings possible.

So.....to the present day.

These are the the thoughts (and I think the blessings) that are literally exploding in my brain today!!

Thought Number One!

I have really enjoyed this silly little blog ("opportunity" to annoy you all with my crazy thoughts) way more than I ever imagined and I am super excited about now having a computer, and soon being able to go back to posting recipes (including Point Plus Values) to the blog on a regular basis. My Goal is to be doing this by the end of August!

Thought Number Two!!

I plan to completely take advantage of the computer classes ("opportunity") offered at the Apple store until I know all of the staff and could teach the class myself!! They may want to kick me out!

Thought Number Three!!!

I, literally by chance, found out about a blogging conference in Kansas City this weekend and I can hardly wait to walk in the door ("opportunity") and ask a Gazillion Questions!!! The timing for this is perfect!!

Thought Number Four!!!!

I have thought about the day that I weighed less than 160 pounds and could apply for a job with Weight Watchers for over three years. Even if the job doesn't happen, and I REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that it does, being able to apply ("opportunity") was huge, and I can't believe that it happened and that I have a phone interview on Monday!!

Thought Number Five!!!!!

This is the thought that led me to write this blog post today. It seems as though everyday that I spend out and about running errands, I see more and more homeless people on street corners all over town with signs begging for money or food or work. (I know.....where am I going with THIS?) I NEVER know how to handle this situation. I always think I should go buy them food and bring it back to them, but then I don't. On Friday, while sitting at a coffee shop, a woman asked me for $2. I didn't have any cash, and that's what I told her (as I sat there with my iPhone, my iPad and my Fourbuck's, wondering if she believed me). She asked several people the same question, and nobody seemed to giver her any money. She took a seat and waited for new customers to come in, then she would ask them. I pondered offering to buy her something, but she was drinking a bottle of Coke, so I felt like cash was what she was wanting. I felt bad for her, but had no idea what I could do. So, I said a prayer for her. A rather generic prayer that God would give her whatever it was that she was needing at the time.

Thursday, while sitting in my car eating my Salad Bar lunch, I noticed a woman walking through the parking lot looking anxious and upset. I was sitting in my car with my windows down. She looked at me, walked by, then went up to two men that were walking into the grocery store. She was carrying two packages of diapers and wearing a backpack. I assume she was asking for money, but I don't know. Again. What can I do? So I said a prayer for her.

At the exit of the very same parking lot was what appeared to be a family. A man, a pregnant woman and a small child. The woman and the child were sitting under a tree close to the curb, and the man was standing on the curb, holding a cardboard sign. I could not read the sign. After watching them for a short time, I did see two separate cars stop and they appeared to be giving them money. I didn't have any cash, and again found myself thinking.......what am I supposed to do? I should do something. I decided I would go back into the store and buy them apples, protein bars and bottled water. I don't really know why I chose those items. I was thinking non-perishable and nutritious I suppose. As I sat in my car and made up my mind to go back into the store, the woman and the child stood up, and walked with the man to their Mini Van, and drove away. So, I prayed for them.

Then that's when all the thoughts upstairs started. Thoughts about the past and thoughts about today, and the future.

How fortunate (blessed) am I that my life was such a mess, and I had the opportunity to go to school and turn my life around so many years ago?

How fortunate (blessed) am I that I met someone to love me for the person that I am?

How fortunate (blessed) am I that I can say, I think I wanna write a blog and tell my story, and then I have the platform to do just that!

How fortunate (blessed) am I that I can say.......I'd like to be able to apply for a job with Weight Watchers and work towards something I truly feel passionate about??? And then I apply!

I'm just going crazy thinking about how great things are right now all because of opportunities.

There was a time, I could have been on the street corner. I have lots of family and friends, so I'd like to think that it never would have come to that, but who knows how that ends up happening. I always wish I knew their story when I see someone on a street corner. Do they not have family and friends? Should I give them a couple of bucks? Should I go get them food?

How fortunate (blessed) am I to have family and friends. How fortunate am I to be born in America? Seriously.......all of those thoughts led to me thinking about how I could have been born anywhere, but I was blessed to be born in America, a country where I have the opportunity to do as I please. And I've actually thought about that whole being born in America thing a lot. How'd I get so lucky?

I then said a prayer of thanks for my many blessings. I try to let God know that I AM aware that I have a blessed life.

And that is when I said to Him.......

"Dear God, What did I Do To Deserve This?"

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In other Thursday news.....I got a filling at the dentist. I'd rather have staples put in my head. My dentist knows this, so he was VERY generous as he placed the ridiculous gas mask over my face and asked me to breath deeply in through my nose and out through my mouth. Then he gave me a shot, which I did not feel. Before he started drilling, (and actually that sound is the WORST part and causes me great anxiety, fearing he is going to hit a nerve), he said to keep breathing in deep through my nose and exhaling out of my mouth. I kept breathing in the gas like a mad woman! When he said...."Just a few more deep breaths, then we're ready", it was like the last call of Happy Hour and I couldn't breath fast enough!!!! It was all over in like 15 minutes and I felt absolutely nothing!! I spent more time than that telling him how freaked out I was. I've gone to him for over 15 years, so my anxiety was no surprise. What a WUSS!!!!!!

In OTHER other Thursday news.......I returned a bra that I purchased at Nordstrom over a year ago. They were having a bra sale and I was able to get TWO really nice bra's in exchange for the bra I bought last year!!!! HOLLA!!! God Bless Nordstrom!!!! Too much blessing?!?!

With all of the good news in the last two weeks, I am anticipating the next two weeks to be filled with things like a flat tire on the highway, the A/C going out, me getting stung by a wasp........stuff like that.

Here's the "Not So Great " food choices I made while feeling ridiculously anxious.

Breakfast

Unpictured Coffee and an Ice Cream Sandwich. For Real.

Snack